BodyBuilding Comp- UKBFF Leicester - 2014 - Bikini Category

I did say I'd get more into this topic on my last post, so here it is! :)

After getting more and more into fitness in 2013 and doing my research on exercises and what I wanted my 'goal body' to be etc, I came across bodybuilding competitions. I found pictures of these beautiful ladies in these glitzy bikinis and phenomenal bodies, I wanted this!

I researched into bodybuilding competitions and found one local to me which was the 'UKBFF Welsh Championships', so I went to watch the next one that was on, it was great atmosphere and the bikini category ladies looked like they had so much fun on stage, and at the time I had thought to myself 'That's what I want my body to look like, that will make me happy in myself'.

So, I took it upon myself to get a coach to assist me with getting stage ready for the following year. I immediately started a 'bulk' (which is eating in a calorie surplus - more calories than your body requires) in order to build muscle (as I didn't have much muscle at this point, as I hadn't long started weight training!)

I did lose ALOT of weight from when I had initially started my 'fitness journey' (Went from a size 12-14 to a size 6) so as you can imagine... I also lost my boobs! (As these are mostly fat tissue, unfortunately) I then wanted a breast augmentation; Not because it seemed as though most women who competed in the sport had them, but for myself, as I didn't feel 'womanly' in my own body at the time. While in my 'bulk' phase, I was advised by my coach at the time 'If you want them done, better to get them sooner rather than later' (as I was competing the following August in Leicester - to give me more time to gain decent muscle mass I chose Leicester) because after a breast augmentation you cannot train for the minimum of 6 weeks. (This killed me!)

Fast forward to a couple of months before my competition (My competition was August 2014) of course I had started 'cutting' but, I had started to struggle - diet wise. My calorie consumption was gradually lowering as the months went on earlier in the year. My cardio was increased massively. My training was intense, which got a lot harder as I got leaner (and slightly weaker may I add), this added to how difficult It had gotten mentally for me.

Before my 'fitness journey' I was and always had been a 'binge eater'. Unfortunately for me I didn't 'fix this' before I decided to compete. So, after a whole year of 'clean eating' (Better believe I was on the ol' 'chicken and veg' diet for over a year) my eating disorders rapidly elevated and got worse over time.

A few weeks before competition I had a 'woopsie'. I ate a bowl of oats. Now I know that sounds pathetic, but at the time I was eating set meals at set times of the day; Oats was NOT in my plan! I shamefully admitted this to my coach (boy did I regret this bowl of oats) and to save the damage, I had been told to do extra cardio (and something else, of which I cannot remember anymore) - This then stuck with me.

Needless to say I had learned my lesson....before competition anyway.

After I had competed in Leicester, I had placed second with an invite to the British championships, which was another 8 WEEKS of dieting!! At this time, I was drawn in the face, my hair was deteriorating, my mental state was SHIT to say the least. I could barely even hold a conversation, I was like a walking (tanned) zombie, I had no social life, every time I walked into a shop Id be drooling at all the foods I thought I wanted.

I had all intention of competing in the British Championships, but as time went on, I had more 'woopsies', I couldn't control them. Each time I had a 'woopsie' (in regards to eating off of plan), in attempt to fix it I would add extra cardio, extra sessions etc. This then spiralled even more out of control; I was becoming bulimic. Each time I would eat off plan, I would force myself to purge, this was my attempt to 'undo what I had just done'.

A couple of weeks went by, my hair was still getting worse, my skin was really bad, I still couldn't socialise normally, my mental state was a complete and utter mess, my teeth were getting sensitive, my voice was getting hoarse from purging.

I REFUSED to be bulimic. So, for my own health and mentality, I decided not to compete in the British Championships at resume a 'normal life' or so I thought.....Needless to say It wasn't that easy to 'resume a normal life' after this.

I have since spent the last 5 years recovering from bulimia, binge eating and body dismorphia.

I am getting better as the years go on, however, I would still think I looked 'fat' even when I was a size 8 due to how lean I had gotten back then. This state of mind is and has gradually lessened as the years have gone on. I am becoming happier within myself regardless of my body fat percentage, regardless of what I ate one day. I still feel majorly guilty when I eat foods which put me over my calories for the day, but I try not to beat myself up over it, I do not 'punish' myself for it anymore like I used to by going to do extra cardio/weights.

I am finding my happy medium between life, fitness and nutrition and I feel like I'm nearly there.

I don't work well with fixed food plans or clean eating, and fortunately since (being a personal trainer and nutrition adviser) I have learned more about macro nutrients and micro nutrients etc which has helped me massively over the years in regards to my binge eating.

When it comes to health, nutrition, and fitness; knowledge is DEFINITELY power!

I will be adding my online coaching services on this website this year, I love and have a passion for helping people with their health, fitness and nutrition. Due to my past experiences, my aim is and always has been to educate anybody that comes on board with me, so you can know how to control your own body and health.

By the way......No, I will never compete again for all reasons above. It is not for me. :)

UKBFF Leicester 2014, Bikini, Second Place